Writing. It's not something that's been happening since November for me. First there was the election, then illness, the end of the semester, holiday rush at the bookstore, more illness (it won't go away), followed by turning in grades and prepping new courses. Right now I'm writing this blog post, but I'm still sick and still have a mound of grading.
My default at times like this is to cut into myself. I should be able to do everything. I should be able to juggle all my jobs and my writing and my health. After all, other people do it. Hell, even I've done it at other points in time. The thing that has me pausing now to reconsider is the “other people.”
This fall, WROB member Camille DeAngelis published Life Without Envy: Ego Management for Creative People. This is not the sort of book I normally read but knowing Camille, I dove in. Camille spends most of the book focused on the dangers of comparison: because that other person published/sold/wrote/won means I should.
I saw myself in this, my sense that I wasn't good enough not just based on the achievements of others, but also based on my past achievements. I put down the book with the begrudging feeling that I needed to be kinder to myself, but also with profound respect for Camille. Many of the examples Camille uses in the book and in discussions with bloggers are from her own life. Knowing that she struggles with the same things I do made me feel like I wasn't alone, and that the struggle was normal.
So, if you're currently experiencing a burst of creativity and production, I'm happy for you. But if you're also being taken down by politics, sickness, and work, may I suggest something? Be kind to yourself and pick up Camille's book. Get yourself a decadent drink and a cookie (and maybe some vitamins, too) and give yourself some time to check in with yourself. Maybe this takes the form of just sitting. Maybe you're ready to pick up Camille's book and try just one page. And maybe you find that you have the energy to write a journal entry.
As writers, we are good at empathizing with others (whether they be real people or fictional characters) but rather than giving all your energy to others, be a little selfish and give some to yourself. After all, run down, sick people can't show up to write and, as we know, showing up to write is the hardest part.
Purchase a signed copy of Life Without Envy: Ego Management for Creative People.
-Marika McCoola, 2016 Ivan Gold Fellow
